Hello, It’s Thursday, Let’s Catch Up

I am currently sitting in my living room where I just saw a huuuuuge spider around my fireplace grate. I grabbed bug killer and sprayed but he got away. I am sure he will be back to get me while I sleep. Darn cats and Bunnie I thought they took care of these creatures. That is my current Thursday evening.

Hello friends, you may have been wondering if I would ever return. I have wondered myself. I love my blog and sharing with all of you. I also enjoy reading all of your posts. I am getting caught up. It is just that I haven’t been myself. I guess I never will be that person that I was before my husband passed seven months ago. I actually had to go back and read that sentence again because it is so hard to believe that it has been seven months. Sometimes it seems like only yesterday. The pain feels like it was only yesterday.

I have been trying to keep busy but it doesn’t really matter, the grief is there, always, like a new unwanted friend who has moved in with me. She sits beside me and walks with me every step of every day. She is like a shroud that covers me and keeps me from being myself. That is the only way I can explain it.

I get by day by day and that is all I can do right now. Sometimes only hour by hour and even minute by minute.

I am back to work mostly full time. I usually work four days a week. The babies and I have developed somewhat of a routine. I guess it is that routine that has kept me somewhat sane.

I worked out in the yard for a bit on Saturday and it was great being out in the sunshine. I had to thin my irises. I took out about twenty before the spade I was using broke. I will have to get back to it next weekend. These are Irises I got from my mama’s house many years ago. I share them with all of my family so we will always have them. Bunnie stayed close beside me. Bunnie is my big dog that came to us last year in June. She is still so terrified of people. I am trying to work with her and help her adjust but she does not like me out of her sight. And the poor baby only has one good eye. I know she spends most of her time terrified unless I am right with her. Bunnie is a work in progress.

I bought a porch goose. Lucky for me I found one nearby for only $29.99. You may not be familiar with these cuties but they are very popular right now. I named mine Millie. I think she is a Canadian Goose. We have a lot of those on our lake right now.

Here she is in her St Patrick’s Day outfit that I crocheted for her. I am currently working on her Easter outfit.
I am trying to work on another jigsaw puzzle but look who is on top of it. I’m not sure why Gus and Kitty Kitty love lying on the puzzle pieces.
I finally finished it.

I have been spending some of my Saturdays going to estate sales in our area. I go with my nephew and his wife. We have had the most fun. Look at these two chairs I got for only $25.00 each. They are in great shape and very sturdy. I am going to paint them and put them at the lake. They have a very beautiful flower pattern on the arms.

I can’t wait to get these painted.

I can’t remember if I shared my photos of my crocheted sweater that I finally finished.

It’s actually not as dark as it looks in the photo on top.
This is more the original color. But man it is heavy. It has already gotten so warm here I will probably have to wait until next winter to wear it. That’s okay.Please excuse the mess in the background.

Most of the Daffodils came and went. But aren’t they beautiful.

I am busy making my sweet goose Millie an Easter outfit. I will show you when I am finished.

I am watching closely and still haven’t seen the spider.

Always remember

Love your day your way!!!!

Hello Monday

Hello friends and happy Monday. I want to get back to a regular posting schedule. I think it will be good for me. Also, my Word Press subscription renewed and I hate wasting money. And I miss all of my blogging buddies so much. I still read many of your posts but I am a bit behind.

I shared with you on my last post about losing my sweet husband. If you missed it you can read it here. I am trying to navigate this life without him and I will be honest, at times it is unbearable. It is such a new world for me and one that I did not want to be a part of. I will carry on. I know he would want me to. I just don’t know how to do it yet.

Unfortunately before the end of the year we had more loss. My oldest brother Donnie passed away three days before Christmas. In November he suffered from what we thought was a stroke but it turned out he had several lesions on his brain that were cancer. He did ten radiation treatments that we hoped would slow the progression of the cancer but it really didn’t. He came home with hospice about two weeks before Christmas and had all of us with him for his last days. We also lost my sister in law Pat, not my brother Donnie’s wife, the day after Christmas. She was diagnosed a few months ago with ALS which is just a terrible disease. She had actually had a lot of the symptoms for over a year. We had two funerals within a week. Sometimes it’s just too much.

The babies are so much comfort to me. Bunnie, our big Golden Retriever who came to us back in June, is getting as big as a house. She has also become even more needier than ever, if that’s even possible. She is still terrified of people and I am trying to work on socializing her more. We take short trips in the car and come right back to the house. I am hoping this helps.

All of the kitties are fine. I know that Gus and Kitty Kitty miss Mark. They still look for him at times. I don’t think the outside kitties really realize what is going on but they have been extra sweet.

I have been at home a lot. I am back at work pretty much full time and it helps to have the structure. Otherwise I am at home. I watch too much T.V. and scroll my phone but I think I just do what I can do to survive. I worked several jigsaw puzzles during the last few months and I have gotten back to knitting and crochet. I attended a twelve week grief share at a local church in town. It helped somewhat. I take lots of walks with Bunnie. She needs at least two walks a day for all of her energy. I also take a lot of pictures.

Something I have discovered about grief is that it truly has many many layers. I have unbelievable brain fog. I actually lost my drivers license, my phone and my glasses all in one day. I eventually found all of them and they were not all in the same place. I found my glasses in the silverware drawer. Usually I have a melt down every time this happens.

A chilly morning out walking with Bunnie
Gus and Bunnie in a very serious conversation.
Allie (Mama Cat) and her daughter Izzy. They are inseparable.
My brother Donnie and I. He was about sixteen here and I was about 6 months old. He was just the best big brother in the world.
Early morning sunrise

Bunnie making herself at home.

A few of the puzzles I worked
Kitty Kitty loves lying on the puzzles.

So that is a bit about what I have been up to. How about you? How is your year starting out?

Always remember

Love your day your way!!!!!

Two Months

At Stonehenge

Hello friends this is a post I never expected to make.

It’s actually been ten weeks, four days and seven hours that I said goodbye to my precious husband and he left this earthly home for heaven.

I had mentioned in a previous post that he had been sick. He was diagnosed with a fungal pneumonia. With all of the anti rejection medications he had to take, because of the transplanted kidney, his system had a hard time fighting off anything. Over the course of a month which included a four day stay in the hospital he became increasingly worse. Nothing seemed to help and his fever was non stop. But we never thought he wouldn’t get better. I could see the look in the doctors’ eyes as they discussed the pneumonia with us. They told us it could be life threatening if they didn’t get the upper hand on the infection. He was at home the night things got really bad really fast. He was airlifted to Vanderbillt Medical Center. His body and heart had just had too much. The crazy thing was that through it all the kidney was still great.

All I can say is that it was pure hell. I can’t and won’t go into all the details because they’re just too painful to share. But my husband my best friend my confidant my soul mate is gone. I am now navigating my life without him here by my side. I don’t know how to do it. It feels like half of me is missing and it is. He is. And while I rejoice for him my heart is broken. I am alone.

He is everywhere. He completely fills every thought and memory that I have. That’s both agonizing and precious at the same time. We were together forty years, thirty five of those married. We dated for five years.

My husband was just the most wonderful, kind patient person in the world. People loved him and gravitated to him. He had an infectious smile and laugh. His co workers told me that when he came in every morning he would shout out a hearty “good morning everyone”. He had just retired in February and was loving it. I had planned to retire in December, but I will put those plans on hold for a little while. The plans we make are not always God’s plans.

I wanted to share the reason for my absence. I will continue to post. I know my husband would want me to. He knew how much I loved blogging.

I don’t think you could ever be prepared for losing your spouse. Any thought you might have could never compare to the reality when it happens. And you wouldn’t want to know.

So grab your husband or wife or partner and kiss them and tell them you love them a million times. The small arguable things don’t matter. Just enjoy each other every second.

Until we meet again sweet baby I will hold you near in my heart and honor you every chance I get. I will see you in every ray of light and know that you are still with me.

High stop Cadillac Mountain in the Acadia National Forest in Maine.

Always remember

Love your day your way