Tuesday I had an appointment with my doctor for my annual physical. A week ago I went to the office for lab work for my upcoming Appointment. I have the blood work about a week before so my doctor can go over the results with me during my visit.
I was concerned about my weight. I knew I had gained weight during the last few years. And as it is with many things as you get older losing weight has become really hard. It seemed like when I was twenty I could lose ten pounds in two weeks. Wow those days are no more. I guess I have just been comfortable in my own skin and really still am to a great extent. I don’t like the extra weight when it comes to fitting into clothes or liking the way I look in a particular outfit sometimes. But I guess it hasn’t bothered me enough to really do something about it. I feel like I have had a lot of other things in my life to deal with.
UNTIL, I noticed that my knees were starting to bother me more, I wasn’t working out like I should.I am getting older I noticed I am stiffer when I get out of bed in the mornings or after I sit for a long time. Not moving makes that worse. Just a few years ago I was training for a half marathon. What happened? Well at that time I injured my knee, stopped working out, didn’t do the marathon, and basically just gave myself a freebie not to work out for awhile. Unfortunately the “while” turned into a long while. And the extra pounds started piling up.
Now don’t get me wrong. For most of my life I have been plus sized, chubby, big boned, whatever you want to call it I have always been above my normal weight range, whatever in the hell that might be. You know most people are only in that weight range when they are in kindergarten. I probably wasn’t then either. That is me. I was never picked for sports or cheerleading but I was just as comfortable, more so really, sitting in the library reading a book. Do I like myself thinner? Well yes I do but as I said I guess I have reached an age where I am comfortable with me. Until it starts causing me joint issues and not feeling like myself and not wanting to do things like I used to. Or until I realize I am not taking control of my weight and it could really get out of hand and cause blood pressure and cholesterol and diabetes issues.
I have been on a diet most of my life. I have lost hundreds if not thousands of pounds throughout my lifetime. Thousands is probably more like it. Every time I have an event a few months away I think to myself well that gives me plenty of time to lose about 20 pounds and wear that outfit in the back of my closet. But you know that doesn’t usually happen.
I realize I could have a lot of health issues that could be worse than having to lose some weight. No blood pressure problems, no cholesterol problems. Everything is within range. But I do know that carrying extra weight, not exercising and eating the wrong foods could change all of that as I get older. Older than I am now.
I could blame my weight on a crazy work schedule with lots of travel, being a care giver and not having a lot of extra time of my own, depression, anxiety, stress, any of these things or all of them can cause someone to eat mindlessly and just have the need to fill a void within themselves.
The first picture was when I was about three and the second one was when I was about ten. I will never forget being at the dentist when I was young and the assistant ask my mom if my cheeks were always that puffy or if they were swollen? My mom said “no they are always like that”. That memory has always stuck with me and made me self conscious of my chubby cheeks. I still have them.
So on Tuesday I went to the doctor’s office, I felt pretty good about myself. I wasn’t even dreading the weigh in as bad as I usually do. I hadn’t weighed myself at home in weeks if not months. I thought maybe I had even lost a little weight. My body did feel different my clothes were still fitting o.k.
The nurse called my name, of course the first thing they do is lead you to the scales. I didn’t even ask to remove my shoes. I bravely stepped onto the scale and after she adjusted the weight thingies I almost passed out. I literally stepped back and almost fell off the scale. And then she said my weight in a loud voice like I hadn’t seen it on the medieval torture device scale. I cringed and quickly looked around to see who else had heard her. Dear Lord!!!!! It was terrible. I couldn’t get that number out of my head. I guess the fact that I thought maybe I had lost some weight only to found out that was not true but I had actually gained!!! It was too much.
Through the years my weight has fluctuated. If you could look through my medical records you would see probably a 35-40 pound range over the past 20 years. My closet has everything from a size 6 to a size 16. I just shove them around as needed.
The doctor came in and went over my blood work with me. Everything looked great. We discussed my weight, which was not great. I had only gained five or ten pounds since the year before but I could see myself adding on year after year.
So we came up with a plan. My doctor doesn’t want me to try anything ridiculous and try to lose 10 pounds in a week, not that that would happen with me, he wants me to set a goal of a ten pound weight loss by the end of the year and add 150 minutes of exercise per week. That may sound like a lot but it is only 30 minutes a day for 5 days, or less if you spread it out over 7 days. I think that is doable until I get back in the swing of exercise and build up some muscle and endurance. After the first three months we will look at the next goal. Having a goal in sight helps me to stay focused.
Now please don’t get me wrong when you read this post. I have seen many men and women with excess weight who are happy and comfortable in their skin. I love them and think you go, good for you. But I can only be comfortable with myself to a certain point and then I do have some self esteem issues. Add in the joint pain and stiffness and that is just not the me I want to be. I feel that I should try to be the best me a I can be and that is what I want to do. But you are you and you be the best YOU, you can be.
I will keep you posted on the progress.
Always remember to Love your day your way!!!!