When You Look Fear In The Eyes

Hello friends, I know I start every post like this but man what another crazy week in our household. Actually a couple of crazy weeks.

About two weeks ago my husband told me he thought he had pulled a muscle in his lower back and abdomen. He thought he had done this from working out. After a few days he had such pain that he couldn’t sleep and had spasms along the front of his stomach. A few days later a rash broke out around his abdomen. If you have ever had the dreaded “shingles virus” you know where this is going. I am not going to bore you with the details of shingles. You can google them yourself. But having them is freaking horrible. Last Saturday night he finally came clean and told me how bad it was. He lifted his shirt and showed me the blisters and rash and I freaked the F out!!!!

Having a transplanted kidney does not make any situation that Mark has an easy one. Having shingles is no exception. I finally got him to go to the doctor on Monday morning. Well I practically had to haul his butt to the doctor but he was feeling so bad by that time he was willing to go. The doctor said it was the worst case of shingles she had ever seen. Of course. She said if he had come in the week before when the break out first started it would have been easier to deal with. Yep that’s my husband. At this point all I could do was glare at him. However, I am scared shitless. Could this affect the kidney? definitely if infection occurs. Could this lead to other issues with the kidney function? It could. Could the meds he will have to take interfere with the anti rejection drugs? They could. Add in the very fact it makes me feel ill to watch him go through the pain he is in. Of course it is never easy watching a loved one suffer, you know that. Why would he wait this long before seeing a doctor or letting me know how bad it was. I don’t know.

The local doctors were a little wary about prescribing a lot of meds until we heard from Vanderbilt. They were not nephrologists and they didn’t want to make that call. A trip to Vanderbilt may still be in our immediate future. I know the four hour trip each way would be hard on Mark but all of our doctors are there. Finally Vanderbilt called in meds to our local pharmacy and Mark started them today. Please pray for healing and comfort during the healing process. The next forty eight hours should tell us some things that we need to know.

So other than dealing with all of this and working between the doctor and pharmacy visits, things are as well as they can be. I try to stay busy when I am worried so that is what I am doing. My husband is my first priority. The babies still need to be cared for but taking care of the house and my job still has to be done also. But in the back of my mind I have a back up plan if we do have to go to Nashville and maybe plan a stay there. I have a plan for the babies, that is the most important part, and other than that we just have to take it as it comes. Did you notice I mentioned plan like three times. GEESH!!!! This is one of the hardest things for me. I want everything fixed before I realize there is a problem. That is not always possible. I think times like this humble us and make us realize just how precious life is and how the day to day boring is not always boring it is something we can cherish. We must take things one day at a time!!!!

This sweet girl loves being on my lap and I love having the snuggles.

A few years ago when my brother Allen was sick, he had leukemia, he told me that he hated hearing bad news from his doctor. Not just for himself but because he could see the fear in his wife, my sister in law’s, eyes. He said that scared him more than anything the doctor could say. WOW!!! those are some powerful words.

What do you look like when you look fear in the eyes? Are you positive? hopeful? scared? the person looking back may need you to be their only courage.

Friends, always remember

Love your day your way!!!

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