There, She Is Gone

Hello friends, I want to share this very special post with you. When I left you a few weeks ago I told you that my sister Pat was in the hospital and had pneumonia and maybe some more serious issues. Well it turns out that is was much more serious than we thought. She went into the hospital on March 18th, many many tests were done. She was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer that had metastasized to her liver and possibly other places. This is a very fast growing cancer. Without treatment her life span would be two to three weeks. With treatment possibly six months to two years. She was prepared to fight. She was a breast cancer survivor of twelve years and she knew she was in for the fight of her life, again.

For three weeks my sister Sandy and I and my nephew, Pat’s son, was with her at the hospital every day. They transferred her to a larger hospital where a strong regimen of chemo could be given. After a short time we knew, and yet we didn’t want to say it or even think it but we knew we were going to lose her. Tiny bits of good news was given to us only to have something worse slap us in the face. It was hell for three weeks, for us that is. She didn’t complain, she took everything in stride. The day she left the hospital she thanked all the nurses and doctors for taking care of her. But I am getting ahead of myself.

She started Chemo on April 1st. There was three rounds of Chemo, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. By Monday the doctors could tell that her kidneys were in distress. She was a diabetic and not in the best health to start with. But the Chemo was the only hope at this point and she wanted to give it a try. On Tuesday her body was retaining so much fluid they had to add an additional drain to her lung where the tumor was present. Wednesday and her kidney function was getting worse. She was not a candidate for dialysis because of her health issues. Thursday morning we met with the Oncology team and they let us know that nothing else could be done. Her kidneys were basically not functioning. Pat was conscious some of the time, she recognized us, she could not talk because the tumor was pressing against her vocal cords. She could only whisper. She wanted to go home more than anything. She wanted to be with her loved ones and have them around her. We decided on Hospice Care. They could get her home the same day.

We were able to get her home on Thursday evening almost three weeks from the day she first went to the hospital. Many family members and friends were there to talk to her and hold her hand and just love on her and tell her how much they loved her. The Hospice nurse was there to go over all the meds. We were given a lot of information in a very short period of time. Medicines were discussed, how to change her bedding if needed, how to move her from side to side, lots of things. As it turned out we wouldn’t need any of it.

After everyone left for the night it was just us two. I had planned to be with her that night. I guess we were naive in not understanding how close the end was. Her breathing was very labored but it had been for several days. She said she was not in pain. I sat beside her bed with her, holding her hand for a long time. We watched Everybody Loves Raymond. She kept reaching for the sky. It was like she was reaching for someone. I asked her if she was trying to dance? She had also been looking past us like she was seeing things we could not see. And she was. I asked her once if she needed her glasses and she whispered “no”. She fell asleep. There was a large chair beside the bed and I sat there and looked over the information the nurse had left us.

Around midnight I checked on her, her breathing was still heavy but she seemed to be resting easier. I sat in a chair beside her bed and slept a little. I woke up suddenly around 1:00 AM and noticed I didn’t hear her labored breathing. At first I felt relieved that she was sleeping better and then I jumped up realizing what it could mean. I ran to the bed and she had slipped away. I know now that she had been reaching for loved ones and seeing angels.

The Hospice nurse had provided us with some literature about what to expect in the coming days or hours, as it turned out. The poem below was in the booklet that was provided. I read this just an hour or so before my sister passed away and I cannot tell you how much comfort It brought to me. Thinking about loved ones who had gone before anxiously awaiting her arrival made me want to celebrate, and scream and cry all at the same time. I didn’t want to let her go but I knew she was at peace and happy and wouldn’t come back to us if she could.

Let me tell you a few things about my sister Pat

She was just the best sister, daughter, mother, grandmother, aunt, niece, friend in the world
She loved everyone. She was described by a loved one as “Pure Love”
She celebrated her last birthday in the hospital and said it was her best Birthday ever.
She was funny. She was funny without trying to be funny.
She made everyone around her feel comfortable and needed and loved.”
She instantly put you at ease.
She made you want to share things with her, Life goals, secrets, hopes, dreams, because she would truly listen.
She didn’t care about the latest fashion or what was in style. She knew what she liked and that was all that mattered.
She loved with all her heart she was Pure Love.

Yes she is gone but her memory and everything about her will live on in my heart, my head and my very being. Goodbye sweet sister until we meet again.

Friday Favorites

Happy Friday It’s been a rough week. But I wanted to share some things I have been enjoying lately. The first thing that is a favorite for me is that my sister Pat is feeling a little better. She has been in the hospital for a week and she will hopefully get to go home soon. But she is feeling better and I am so thankful and happy for that. Here are a few other favorites I have had this week.

I love the British version of these two magazines. Country Living and Country Living Home. Unlike a lot of American magazines they are not full of ads. They are a little more costly than some of the magazines you might buy here. But I just love reading these they are beautifully written and the pictures are gorgeous. I usually buy these at Barnes and Noble or Books A Million whenever I am in Knoxville. I did subscribe one year but the cost of postage coming from the UK was outrageous.

Black Jelly Beans!!!!! Do you love them? A lot of people do not like black jelly beans but I love them!!! unfortunately it’s hard to find them except at Easter time. It is not uncommon to see me with stained black lips or tongue this time of year. HEE HEE!!!!

This Olay Complete is my new favorite daily moisturizer. I have tried many many different moisturizers throughout the years and this one is awesome. I put this on every morning before I put on my makeup and it is light and non greasy and it is SPF 15 which is a plus. I have been using this for several months. My face is never dry and never oily. It feels wonderful after I put it on.

I bought this muffin mix a few weeks ago. I use the larger muffin cups with only six muffins in the tin. I forgot to drain the blueberries and I was afraid they would not be good but it made them even moister. They are so yummy. I like to make them and put them in individual bags and keep them in the refrigerator and get them out and heat them when I want one. I know they have a ton of carbs but you just have to splurge every now and then right?

The TRADER JOE’S BEER BREAD, Have you tried it? I don’t get to shop at TRADER JOE’S very often because there is not one near me. The closest one is in Knoxville. My sister and I were up there a couple of weeks ago and I bought this bread mix. I had heard about it but never tried it. It says add beer and butter. You can also add 12 oz. of any carbonated soda instead of the beer. I finally made the bread last week. I used beer but I think I will try soda next time. We liked it. It has a lot of possibilities. You can add other things to it. The price is very reasonable I think only a few dollars for a box which makes one loaf of bread.

Forsythia. I love it so much. I am always drawn to yellow flowers and I love when these precious plants start blooming. They bloom wild around our house and at poppy’s house. You know spring is coming when you see these start to bloom. Although, did you know one of the most popular bits of folklore surrounding forsythia is the saying, “three snows after the forsythia bloom.” I know we had two this year after I saw the first blooms. I certainly hope we are not in for another snow.

I ordered this kitty toy for my kitties. I first saw it on Facebook and then found it on Amazon. I put in the garage for my outside kitties. I guess I was much more excited about this than they were. When I first put it out mama cat sniffed it and rolled the ball a couple of times. Sadie and Izzy would have no part of it. I don’t think I have seen them play with it one time. Oh well I should have known better. They would much rather play with a leaf or run up and down the old dead tree branch in the yard. That is just the most wonderful thing about kitties they’re very unpredictable.

And of course Miss Kitty Kitty is our oldest Kitty baby she is four years old this month and the sweetest kitty you could ever hope to meet. She is queen of all the fur babies and she knows it.

So what are some things you have been loving this week? Share with me.

Always remember

Love your day your way!!!!

Hello Monday!!!

How was your week and your weekend? It’s been spring break in a lot of areas near us so we have been slammed at work. Our kids here are not out for spring break until the end of the month but lots of places around us have been out all week. It was a busy week at work.

My sister Pat is in the hospital. She has been having some difficulties and on Friday after spending the day in the ER she was admitted. She has pneumonia and possibly some other issues we’re not sure on that just yet. She will be in the hospital for a few days. I went to see her Saturday. The hospital is about an hour from me. I first went up on Friday night after work with the intention of spending the night at the hospital with her. She was still in the ER with my other sister when I got there. I met her son, my nephew, in the waiting area. We went back to see her for just a few minutes and when they started to take her to her room they told us that visiting hours was over and we could not stay. They would not let me spend the night. I guess that is so that she could get good rest which is what it will take to get over the pneumonia. So I went back up on Saturday for a visit. I took some dry shampoo and did her hair for her. I think she is feeling a little better.

My niece had also come up to visit with my sister and she and I went to a nearby Chinese restaurant, that we love, and had a late lunch. I also went to the Dollar Tree near the hospital. I guess you know the Dollar Tree is now the Dollar and twenty five cent tree. I still think they have a lot to offer. I wanted to pick up a few decorations for an Easter basket I am making. This particular Dollar Tree has a lot more than our local one does. I found some really cute things. They had lots of Easter goodies. When I got back into town I went to visit my MIL in the assisted living village. It wasn’t much of a visit, I was so tired from being up most of the night before and on Saturday that I started falling asleep while we were visiting. I felt horrible but she understood and told me I should go home and take a nap. On my way home I went by the post office. I had ordered some new rugs for my bathroom and I wanted to pick those up. I got home and walked and fed all the babies and then I was pretty much useless. I tried watching the new Amy Shumer series on Hulu, Life & Beth, but I just couldn’t stay awake.

I am loving these new glasses. I only got two but they are heavy and won’t break easily. I am death on dishes and break so many glasses. I will go back and get at least two more. The little Terracotta pots I will use to get seedlings started for spring. I found some nice Easter grass and a blue pail that has Bunny Trail on it. I will put Mr. Bunny in there as well.

***These little hanging signs are very good quality for a dollar and twenty five cents. I bought several. I bought those wafers for a coworker who told me she loved them and couldn’t find any.***

Sunday was a beautiful day. We had temps in the sixties and it was sunny. Scruffy and I spent some time on the deck with the kitties. We still miss Buster and Milo so bad and pray every day that they might come back home. I had planned to go back to the hospital but I got busy with laundry and cleaning the house so I decided not to go. I called my sister and talked for a bit. She had had a few visitors already and I could tell she was tired. I did a grocery pick up at Walmart. It was Mark’s weekend to work so he was gone both weekend days. I also worked on some knitting and read a book I got through my Libby online library. The book is due tomorrow and I have already renewed it once. I need to finish it. I have two more to finish within the next week or two.

***Look at the difference from last week and this week.***

We have a Scooter’s in Sweetwater now. It’s right beside the bank we use for work. It’s been open for a couple of weeks and I finally stopped in and got a coffee. I got the Mocha Blend and it was yummy.

So what exciting things did you do last week or over the weekend? Work today was a little slower than last week and I am so thankful. Considering all that is going on in the world around us we are so fortunate, and most of the time we just don’t take the time to appreciate everything that we have, and don’t have.

Always remember

Love your day your way!!!!

Hello Monday!!

Hello friends I know I haven’t been around this past week. It has been a sad sad week and a half. My two boy kitties, Milo and Buster went missing over a week ago. We have a terrible coyote population in this area but we had never had problems with them before. Of course we never had small animals outside either. Even when Molly stayed outside she was a pretty big girl. So we fear the worst. On the Friday that Milo went missing I found a lot of his fur in the side of the yard and down closer to the lake. His fur was so thick and distinct having that beautiful orange color. I can’t tell you how awful it was finding his fur. I gathered it up and put it in a bag. I blamed myself because I wasn’t there when it happened. I never found any of Buster’s hair but he was very short haired. Since we didn’t find blood or bodies of the kitty babies we hoped and prayed maybe they had gotten away and were hiding somewhere and would be back home. As each day goes by my hopes of this are less and less. People have told me that male cats will take off, even after they have been neutered, and return even weeks later. I have my doubts about Milo and Buster though. We don’t really live near a lot of houses and they were such home bodies. They stayed right near the house and usually in the garage where I had all their kitty toys and beds. I have a kitty call that I do for them each night to get them into the garage. I would sit in the garage and do this call and they would come in one by one. After they went missing I walked through the woods and drove up and down the main road doing my kitty call. I am sure if anyone heard it they probably thought I had totally lost my mind. Oh well, it sort of felt like I had.

***Milo, the orange kitty, and Buster you will never be forgotten. We still pray for a miracle that you might return to us.***

The other kitties miss them terribly. Mama kitty and Buster were best friends and went everywhere together. They would stand close to each other with their tails wrapped around each other. Mama now sits on the driveway staring out like she is looking for them. The other two girls, Izzy and Sadie seem traumatized so I am not sure what all they saw if it was coyotes that got them. I can’t really bring myself to even think about that. I make sure the garage door is down at night and I never let the kitties out before daylight anymore. We have a lot of lights around our house and I always thought the babies were safe. I have never killed an animal in my life but if I see a coyote on my property in my yard I will not hesitate to shoot it.

I think people who don’t have a love of animals or have pets just don’t fully understand the loss that you feel over losing one of your fur babies. I have cried a million tears and searched constantly for them and pray that by some miracle they will return. That is all I will say about that right now.

Luckily my week was pretty busy and I am thankful to have my mind occupied. I had a dental appointment early Monday morning. I went to Sister Lunch with the sisters. I finished two scarves and got them washed and blocked. I worked on the temperature blanket and another scarf I am making. I binge watched Ozark. I took several walks with the babies. I have also been trying to get a daily walk either on my treadmill or at work. The temps were great last week getting up into the seventies it felt almost like summer. Then just as East Tennessee weather has a tendency to do we had a huge snow over the weekend, well huge for us anyway. We only got about three inches up in our area but some of the surrounding areas got six and seven inches. On Saturday the high temperature barely reached 30 degrees. So the temperature blanket has been getting a lot of color. I will show you a progress update on that at the end of the month. On Saturday morning I went out early and took a lot of pictures of the snow. I will have more of them on Wordless Wednesday. It was such a beautiful heavy snow and just the way I love it it was gone by the next day.

*This gray scarf is one of the two* I finished. It has so many shades of gray and the yarn was soft and easy to work with. ***This was an easy lace pattern.***

***This scarf had no special pattern just straight mindless knitting which has come in handy for me lately.***

I added another orchid to my orchid family it was on sale at Walmart half off so I just couldn’t resist. You can also see my Aloe vera plant peeping through. He was doing very poorly in the kitchen window and I moved him onto this table and he is doing so much better.

I have missed being in this space with you. I enjoy my time spent here but it was really hard to put any words to anything because I was missing my kitty babies so bad. I have lost many fur babies through the years and it is terrible each and every time but finding Milo’s fur and just having him and Buster disappear like they did has just broken our hearts. We cherish our babies and keep them close to us.

Always remember

Love your day your way!!!!!