I think that with age comes wisdom, confidence, positivity, achievements. But I also think that with age comes feelings of insecurity, doubt, negativity and indecision.
Since I am getting ready to turn the big 6,0 this year I have noticed a lot of changes within myself. Yes the usual things that come with age like watching body changes hair changes, wrinkles etc etc but also some things that have been quite unexpected. For instance I don’t always feel confident in myself and it’s hard to be positive a lot because a lot of crap has happened in a short period of time. Life is freaking scary. And I hate to use the D word but often I feel just plain dumb. Sometimes I feel like I can’t do anything. I feel like Homer Simpson.
If you’ve ever watched TV you probably know who Homer Simpson is. He is a cartoon character, always screwing up and doing dumb things. Nothing ever seems to go right for Homer. Lately I have started to identify with Homer a bit more than I would like. For instance:
A couple of weeks ago. I had to make a cake. I have made hundreds of cakes through the years. I used to make wedding cakes. But through the years I stopped making as many as I used to. I don’t seem to have the time for it or the patience or quite frankly the skill.
The wedding cakes were the first cakes I stopped doing. I would be a nervous wreck putting the cakes together. This seemed to get worse as I got older. So for my sanity, and my poor husband’s, as he was the only one at home with me when I was in panic mode over a cake, I stopped doing the wedding cakes. I did continue to do cakes for special occasions and for all of my family’s Birthdays, anniversaries and things like that.
A couple of weeks ago, my nephew’s wife had a birthday and we were planning to get together and celebrate. At the last minute the plan to meet was changed to the following night, moving the celebration up a couple of days. So I had to make a cake that very night after work. I decided to do a layer cake. I would make two layers and then split them and it makes the cake have several layers. I have made these many times.
As soon as I got home from work I made the cake, it was in two round cake pans. Of course I had to let it cool and that does take a little while. I could have stuck it in the fridge or freezer for a bit but I felt like I had plenty of time to let it cool on the counter. It was only about 5:30 when I took it out of the oven. At 7:30 I checked on the cake. It was almost completely cool or so it seemed so I started making the icing. My cake icing recipe is simple but so good and fairly easy to make.
I use a cake slicer that has something like a nylon string that actually glides through the cake and makes two layers out of one. Because the cake was still so fresh, from having been taken out of the oven only a couple of hours before, it was a bit crumbly. When I started to put the icing on the cake a rather large chunk fell out of the cake. I have had this happen before. Not a big problem. I just stuck it back in place and slapped some extra icing in that area. The last time I used by piping bags I decided to store them in a larger plastic bag down in one of my cabinets. When I took the piping bags out of the plastic bag, I saw there was mold on the bags. I must have put the bags up when they were still a little damp!!!! I had to dump those in the trash. Now what could I use to decorate the cake? I tried cutting off the end of a sandwich bag and using that, no luck. I tried using a freezer bag, no luck. I was in a panic. I told my husband I might have to run to Walmart and get more piping bags. It was 8:30 PM and Walmart is over fifteen minutes away, it was not looking good. Suddenly I remembered I had bought new bags and stuck them in the hall closet. Of course getting to those involved digging half of everything in the closet out and putting it in the floor. I turned over some cleaner and had to stop and get that up immediately before Gus could get to it.
By the time I got all of this done the icing for the cake had gotten really soft. I also realized that I wasn’t going to have enough icing to do the rosettes all over the cake the way I had planned. And let me mention I had already started putting the rosettes on the cake. I would either have to stop, now it was almost 9:30, and make more icing or come up with plan B.
Suddenly I was overcome with hysterical laughter. My husband cautiously yelled from the other room and asked if everything was okay. I was laughing so hard I sputtered the words out. “On my goodness!!! I am Homer Simpson!!!! I can’t do anything right!!! The more I thought about it the funnier it was. I put the cake in the fridge along with the icing, this would help it thicken, and took a breather. I decided to take the icing off of the cake and not do the rosettes. It was late and I was tired so plan B it was. I redistributed the icing and made it smooth all the way around. I would buy a Happy Birthday sign from the Walmart next day to put on top of the cake. And you know what? The cake was fine and it was delicious.
But the thing is when I started making the cake I had self doubt and I just didn’t feel like I would do a good job. It was okay but it wasn’t the exact cake I had intended to make. I don’t like having negative feelings and I think it is just something I will have to put out of my mind. Easier said than done of course. I guess Homer isn’t so bad maybe I should think about what Homer would do and then do the opposite.
I also think that our bodies and minds are a work in progress until the day we leave this world. Things change and feelings come and go including feelings of insecurities and doubt and intellect. It’s okay.
So if you happened to see me at Walmart last weekend, and I was bent over my cart and couldn’t stand up because my clip to my small purse hanging around my neck had gotten clipped onto the cart and I couldn’t for the life of me get it undone, then you know I was having a Homer Simpson moment. DOH!!!!!
Always remember
Love your day your way!!!!!
Southern Patches 