Why are we shoulding all over ourselves? I first heard this question several years ago from Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City. Carrie and her friends had been doing a lot of things they felt they “should” do whether they really wanted to or not.  Well, not Samantha. You know she never did anything she didn’t want to do.  But it makes me think why do we do the things we do? How do you choose?

When you were growing up you probably had a parent or teacher or older sibling tell you that you “should” do something.  Usually it was something that you didn’t really want to do but you knew you should. This is when shoulding is born.  We are really big on shoulding in the south.  To hear someone else say that you “should” just sort of validates it.  As an adult shoulding becomes even more prominent in our day to day lives.

Of course there are things that you have to do right? You have to keep up with doctor appointments,  You have to go to work You have to clean the house and buy groceries and  pay bills and taxes and go to that less than pleasant event that you don’t want to but should.   Shoulding tends to be in competition with the things you “have” to do and things you “want” to do. “I want to” go out with my friends, eat at that new restaurant, go shopping, knit, take pictures or whatever you want to do. Then you have the ‘shoulds” I should be happy about that. I should have gone into work today. I should apologize. I should go to that meeting. I should be more grateful. I should eat better.  So where is that little gray line between have to want to and should?

I have an older sister who does not believe in shoulding.  If she doesn’t want to do something then by golly she just doesn’t do it.  This used to cause her a lot of guilt but I recently noticed that is not the case so much anymore.   I think she feels like she is at an age where she will do what she wants to do and not because she should. Wow!!!  That is powerful.  There is a part of me that is in awe of her like she is some endangered creature to watch and study. I may even be a little jealous, shhhhh.   And then there is that part of me that gets a little pissed off at her when she doesn’t show up for a family event or something that me and my other sister feel that we “should” attend. I guess I am more mad at myself for shoulding than her for not shoulding.

I don’t know the secret  to changing a should into a want to.  I do know that a should  can easily become a have to. And if you do it enough such as exercise, cooking, or whatever that should could even become a “want” to.

Anyway you know what I say,

Love your day your way!!!  You really should!!!

     Images from Pixabay

Emily Dickinson stated that Forever is composed of nows.  This is what is happening right now and right this minute.  You may think the things that are going on in your life day to day, hour to hour or even minute to minute are too mundane to even think about. But you will think about them in a few minutes, a few hours, a few days and even in a few years.   You will go back to some of the things that have happened this past week and remember remnants of them forever. Some things will stand out and some things you won’t even remember. Do you ever wonder what will stick in your memory forever? You never know when something happens if it will last forever in your memory.  Or maybe you have something so good happen that you store it away to remember forever.

The last couple of weeks have been very full.  I guess that all weeks are, in their own way.   I worked two full weeks  which I haven’t done since way before Christmas, Mark smashed his head into the concrete outside the basement and had a very bad bloody head, It was raining and he was emptying the dehumidifier and misjudged the wall.  Don’t ask.   We took an all day trip to the doctor at Vanderbilt in Nashville for a four month check up, not for the bloody head. All was good.   I went to book club, I had a long meeting with a colleague and ad vendor,  I bought Valentine decorations, I cooked several dinners, knitted, grocery shopped, walked the dogs and took a million pictures.  Mark bought a new truck, I spent a long fun day with my niece Hailey, I attended the funeral of a dear woman, who I knew through work, who had lived to the ripe young age of 96.  My nephew’s wife had open heart surgery at the young age of 40!!! WHAT!!!  We had a tornado warning.  One of my favorite aunts passed away.  Wow!!!  I would say a lot has happened already for 2020.   But that’s life isn’t it?

I think we sometimes wait for a big moment or day to happen but when you think about it, it is happening right now. This is life!!! Forever is now!!!  LIVE IT!!!!!

Always remember,

Love your Day Your Way!!!

Happy Thursday friends. Do you ever find yourself picking the same clothes to wear day after day after day?  This means that lots of nice clothes are left in your closet or pushed behind things you never wear.  Often I am in a hurry and I just go into my closet and pick whatever is hanging right in front of me.  It’s easy.   You may be one of those people who actually plan their clothes for the entire week.  I have heard of you but I always thought you were an urban myth.    I will let you in on a little secret and you may or may not be this way.  But when I am not as happy with my body as I would like to be I tend to choose whatever I have handy.  I don’t bother to go into my closet and try to put things together.  This is really not a good way to be if you are wanting to create confidence in how you look.  And you know that pulling something out that you haven’t worn in awhile can be so refreshing and make you feel so…… pretty.  Come on you know it does and it always gives me a little pick me up.

I have actually found clothes in my closet with the tags still on them because I purchased them and stuck them in my closet only to be lost among some of the other clothes I have. A case in point,  I needed a new pair of black pants. If you know me you are probably thinking there is no way she could need another pair of black pants.  Black pants are mostly what I wear in the winter ha ha. But they are so versatile and you can pair them with anything!!!   So before I shopped for the aforementioned black pants I dove into my closet and started pulling things out.  I decided this would be a great time to cull out some of the things I never wear.   Turns out I gathered up two bags of skirts and pants to take to be donated.  In the process I also found not one not two but three pairs of black pants I had forgotten I had.  Yes one still had the tags on them.  I know I know, I have a problem and it’s not necessarily shopping but organizing and using what I do have. I try to do this at least once or twice a year but that may not have happened last year.

So I decided a while back that I was going to clean out my closet and my way of thinking and planning things to wear. This way when I need something to wear I will be able to go to my closet first and shop it before heading to the stores or online shopping.  It takes some time to do this so don’t think it will happen overnight. I am committed to do this at least once a year.   Even if your closet is well maintained it doesn’t hurt to sort through and do an inventory every now and then to keep it that way.  Here are five tips I have found to be very helpful.

1. You must clean out your closet.  This means taking everything out of your closet and put it on your bed or wherever you have to, so that you can get a good look at everything.  You need to be able to touch every piece, try it on and make a decision about it.  You can’t do this unless you are able to see it. If something doesn’t fit, look right on you or is damaged get rid of it!!!!
2. Divide and conquer. Just for the getting started process make three piles of clothing.  Things you know you are going to keep, things you know you are going to get rid of and things you are undecided about.  For example, why do I have that size six skirt from ten years ago still hanging in my closet? Well because I will be that size again someday of course. But let’s be realistic if it happens you will probably not want it anyway.  I’ve noticed as I have gotten older even when I lose weight my body doesn’t always shift back like it was.  So that skirt from ten years ago may not look like I want it to anyway.
3. Get rid of the give away pile. Once I have the three piles situated I bag the items that I know that I won’t wear again and put them outside the door or take them to my car.  These will be donated.  If you are the type of person who likes to sell your clothing then go for it but just for now get them out of sight and out of your way.   I put the pile of clothing that I am undecided about to the side and concentrate on what is left.
4. Group your clothing. Whether it be by items or by color. I like to separate pants, skirts, shirts, dresses and sweaters.  I have another area for jackets because a jacket or coat is not something that you always need, not where I live anyway.  If you are like me you may even keep them in a different coat or hallway closet.  I don’t want them taking up room in my day to day clothing.
5. Shop your clothes. Once you have your clothes in your closet the way that you want them and grouped together by items or colors then you are ready to shop.  If you see someone wearing something you like go to your closet and look it over, chances are you have something very similar. If you see something in a magazine or on TV and think wow that looks great together then go to your closet and shop.  The most important thing is you know exactly what you have, where it is and whether you need to shop for it outside your closet.

A little something extra. There are several great closet apps you can put on your phone that make organizing and keeping your closet organized so much easier.  Go to the App Store, they’re free!!!

Smart Closet

Outfit Planner

Style Book

Closet Love.

Happy Shopping, and always remember:

Love your day your way!!!